I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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