Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
