Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
