i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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