Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
