she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
