Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
