I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
