Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
