I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
