he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
