he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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