hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
