Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
