I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
