before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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