yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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