hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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