Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
