i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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