A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
