I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize