so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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