i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
