im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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