I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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