He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
