i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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