Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
