my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
