he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
