i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
