How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
