Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
