If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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