I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
