dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Pooping to opera.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
