my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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