That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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