there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
