so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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