I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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