Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
