I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i drank out of a bidet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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