my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
