I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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