I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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