My balls are so social today.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
