Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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