so explain again why im purple
no
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
