Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
