everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
