so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
