Your tits are I can't wait for
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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