Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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