Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Couch. On fire.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
