so let's talk penis.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
