So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
