How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
