this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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