guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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