I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
