We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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