dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's shark week go big or go home
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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