I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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