my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
