god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
