Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
