I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
