if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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