U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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