What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
