I just saw a hot homeless man
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
