wat bout pragnant strippers??
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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