WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
