The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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