this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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