Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
