Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
