i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
