if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
