She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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