Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
