Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We're too hungover to prance.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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