Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
