I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
